An Epitaph is words about a deceased person, which may be carved into the deceased's gravestone.  A living person may write their own Epitaph.

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Epitaphing is a person doing the Epitaph of the deceased in a way the person chooses, so the person grieves by keeping a particular aspect of the deceased alive and active.  Epitaphing is a grieving activity of love and life.

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Epitaphing is a transition that continues a series of earlier transitions:

• the "Living/Dying Duet" transition:  living-focus>>living-dying

• the "Creating My Tombstone" transition:  condition awareness>>tombstone preparation, which includes writing my Tombstone/Lifestone/Epitaph

• the "Grief-Growth" transition:  pain>>purpose 

• the "Epitaphing" transition:  grieving>>grieving by living an Epitaph​​​

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For Epitaphing, a person chooses their own way of Epitaphing the deceased.  This may be in ways such as by selecting a portion of the deceased's Epitaph to carry out, by setting a frequency or period to carry out the portion, by creating a method to carry out the portion, etc.  This is the person's way of Epitaphing the deceased.  Epitaphing is not just remembering the deceased or expressing emotion for the deceased, it is doing an action that carries on the deceased's epitaph in some way and brings this activity into the person's grieving process.

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Epitaphing may be done for several reasons:

• Epitaphing may be part of the way a person grieves for the deceased, by keeping a meaningful aspect of the deceased alive and active

• Epitaphing may be a person's sign of love or respect for the deceased or for a part of the deceased's actions

• Epitaphing is an action and may be related to differently than oral or written expressions of connection with the deceased

• Epitaphing initiated by a person as part of their own death planning is a way for the person to support those who will be grieving (see below)

• Since Epitaphing is a living activity, it is more flexible and may be adjusted over time whereas an Epitaph is literally "set in stone" and established mourning practices may also be relatively set.

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For whatever reason it is done, Epitaphing is a form of grieving that creates an active bond between the person who is Epitaphing and the deceased that crosses life-death boundaries.

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Two examples of the author's Epitaphing are:

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Epitaphing as part of my grieving for my brother

My brother died and is buried in our home town.  He did not leave much about preparations for his death, and did not leave an Epitaph.  My brother was a quiet pleasant person who spent much of his energies on plants -- growing plants, landscaping, house plants, arranging and caring for plants, etc.  I feel that in many ways who he was and what he did matched quite closely.  After his death and formal mourning period it was important for me to develop a way of Epitaphing my brother, and to keep the plants part of him alive.  I've done this by sometimes not just noticing plants I may see as I'm walking, but going to a few plants and stroking them with my fingers for a few moments.  For me this act is a way of showing my love for my brother and grief for his passing, and I have learned to enjoy this act myself.  These actions are Epitaphing him, actions that continue in a small sense his Epitaph of connection to plants and are part of my grieving process.

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Epitaphing as part of my expressing how I view myself, and a request about one of the things that I would like to be part of a grieving process for me

I wrote my Tombstone, which then became my Lifestone, during the "Creating My Tombstone" phase of the process I'm going through to deal with my dementia.  My Tombstone, which took me several weeks to develop, is "To feel situations I'm in, and to bring my energies to make the situations richer for the people they touch".  This statement of what is important to me in living my life is my Epitaph, and doing it is Epitaphing me.  Each of my children chooses their own way of Epitaphing me as part of their grieving process, for example to do the Epitaphing only in certain kinds of situations such as to strangers on the street, to do the Epitaphing for a specific period after my death such as six months, to do Epitaphing at a certain frequency such as once a day, to do Epitaphing with humor, etc.  Talking about Epitaphing is part of dementia/death preparation, for me and for my children.

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Epitaphing is a form of grieving which provides a mourner with an active connection with the deceased in the manner that the mourner chooses.  It is not an Ethical Will, which is a person transmitting values and life-lessons to others. 

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The person who is doing the Epitaphing may start before the other's death, in which case the Epitaphing may have an effect on the person's grieving that is different than starting the Epitaphing after death.  This may be particularly true in a situation of dying of an extended condition.

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The steps that a person goes through in creating their own Tombstone / Lifestone / Epitaphing are:

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1. the person decides that they want to develop their Tombstone / Lifestone / Epitaphing, for whatever purpose they have

2. the person goes through a self-evaluation process that make take several weeks, and creates a statement of themself of up to 25 words

3. the person uses the self-statement for the creation of their Lifestone to guide their life during the Aging process, to establish their Epitaphing activities to pass on or receive Epitaphing materials, etc.

4. the person puts in place their Epitaphing activities, and monitors / adjusts them as needed for the Epitaphing process

5. the person holds a Tombstone / Lifestone / Epitaphing party or ceremony, to make others aware of the process the person is going through and have them participate in it as appropriate.​

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A person Epitaphing someone who is deceased without an Epitaph creates an Epitaph for the deceased to use for the person's Epitaphing of the deceased.

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Watch a video about Epitaphing - Passcode: i@146ESd 

Epitaphing is part of a natural approach to living and dying, including for grieving for people with conditions such as dementia

 The~Alzheimers~Conversation

Epitaphing is part of the way the world functions

It's~A~Resonating~World​​​